Vaccines

I had a terrible dream last night. In it, I was at my doctor's office for a check-up, and he told me that I needed a booster. As he was leaving the room, I told him that I wanted to speak to him about the vaccine before he gave it to me. He came back in the room and started the exam. Then he got the syringe and came at me. I screamed and tried to get away. I was yelling, "Please! I need to talk to you about this first!" He pinned me down and injected me. When he was finished, he said, "Now that wasn't so bad was it?" I had to explain that I was not scared of the injection but that I was concerned about the safety of the vaccine itself. I was so angry and embarrassed, and I felt violated because he wouldn't listen to me.

I know why I dreamed this. First, Emily's 3yr old check-up is on Monday. This is the first pediatrician appointment since her diagnosis, and this is with a new pediatrician. I want to discuss her development, not just her health. Last year, her previous pediatrician did not want to discuss anything related to her developmental delays or speech with anything more than, "Lets wait and see." It was an eerie parallel to Alex's 15mo check-up when I knew something was wrong. That pedi told me that all children develop differently, not to worry, and not to compare Alex to other kids his age. This misinformation cost us precious time, and Alex did not get into early intervention until he was 3. This was shortly after we had moved and changed doctors. Dr. R saw the signs and the immediate need for Alex to be evaluated. I am forever in her debt. So, long story short (too late!) I am sweating Emily's appointment.

Second reason I must have had that dream was that I have been giving much thought to the vaccine issue. I have never bought into the mercury scare, but I have always thought there had to be some connect between autism and vaccines. Even before I read about the settlement case, I thought allergies had to be part of the puzzle. Then I started thinking about Alex and Emily's issues. From a very early age, Alex was different. If his autism was exacerbated by the vaccines, then it must have been from the earliest set of them. Emily, on the other hand, seemed to be developing normally. She spoke early, interacted beautifully, and other than her terrible allergy/gi issues, she was developing normally. When we moved here, I can remember telling my husband that I was so happy that we had a child without developmental delays. (Our middle child, Laura, has significant speech/processing delays that have gotten much better in the last 2 years.) Sometime between then and Emily's 2yr old check-up, we started to lose her. The only significant event in that time (again, other than her continuing GI issues) was the vaccination. Alex establishes the family predisposition, and Emily's normal development followed by abnormal development establishes that there was an event. I'm going to look through Emily's shot records and attempt to get her entire medical records and see what I can find.